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Tag Archive | "weird"

Tags: awful, game, gold medalist, gymkata, gymnastics, kurt thomas, martial arts, movie starring olympian, olympian, olympics, parmistan, pommel horse, ridiculous, weird

Gymkata

Posted on 20 August 2008 by Jesse Wayne

In honor of the Olympics I’ve been ignoring I’ve decided to revisit the best movie that stars a U.S. Olympian. You might say “What about all those old Tarzan movies?.” And I’d reply with “He was Romanian so it doesn’t count” (he didn’t even know English for Pete’s sake). Yes, only one Olympian has had enough talent to take on the film world. Bruce Jenner? Mary Lou Retton? Dan and Dave? No, no, and no. Doesn’t anyone remember ‘Killer’ Kurt Thomas?¹

Kurt Thomas was on the U.S. Olympic team, and he won a lot of medals, but unfortunately none were at the Olympics.² He also invented a sweet move called The Thomas Flair which many break dancers use today. You’d think that after all he accomplished in his gymnastic career he’d take some time off to rest on his laurels. Not Kurt Thomas, after conquering gymnastics he set his sights on film and totally changed the world.

Wow, that trailer is awesome! The “Game” that they’re talking about is played in a tiny country called Parmistan. No one has won it in 900 years. If you win, you get one request, if you lose, well… you get the idea. The reason the U.S. Government has sent gymnast Kurt Thomas to compete is because somehow Parmistan got a hold of a satellite station which can monitor every satellite and it has something to do with the Star Wars program. I think terrorists are involved too and they could destroy nations somehow with the station. Someone mentioned nuclear threat too. So whoever wins this game gets to request control of the station. Don’t worry though, they only mention the plot in the beginning of the movie. After that you just have to enjoy Kurt Thomas fighting people with gymnastics.

One of the best scenes is where he has to go through the village of the damned and deal with all of Parmistan’s criminally insane. For some reason there’s an actual pommel horse which he then proceeds to pommel the whole village with. I think they had to do a lot of scenes in one take because there’s one part early on in the game where they’re leaving the city on horses and a towns person totally gets plowed over by a horse on accident.

All in all I’d say this movie is a winner. It’s based on a novel from 1957 too so that gives it a little bit more class. It’s so completely inept that it’s amazing it even got finished. Here’s two more weird scenes if you need more convincing:

1. ‘Killer’ added for emphasis.

2. He probably would’ve won a few if the U.S. didn’t boycott the 1980 games.

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Tags: asian friend, assembly line, bald kid, canadian, celine dion, crazy, disturbing, dog, ghost hobos, ghosts, goop, hair, hair won't stop growing, hairum scarum, hairy problem, hobos, long pubes, looney, loses hair, magic paintbrush, micheal, odd, paintbrush factory, paintbrushes made out of hair, peanut butter, peanut butter solution, recipe, scary, solution, the fright, the senior, theme song, wacky, weird

The Peanut Butter Solution (1985)

Posted on 13 August 2008 by Charlie Prime

I think it goes without saying that some things lose their appeal to you as you get older (Voltron, wet cement, Mr. Bubbles). I guess now I must lump the French Canadian wonder that is The Peanut Butter Solution into that sad category. Shot in 1985 and directed by Michael Rubbo. Yes. THE Michael Rubbo. The Peanut Butter Solution, or as it debuted, Contes pour tous #2(???????????) was the second in what was intended to be a series of movies for kids but the series was cut short for lack of anyone giving a crap. I saw the movie when I was about 7 years old and for a long time thought it was neato torpedo until age set in and, like the film, hair began to grow in strange places and it eventually fell by the wayside. I went back and watched it recently and I must say that while I will always have a soft spot in my heart for bad movies of the past century it is more bizarre/comically stupid to me now then it was cool to me then.

The movie is the classic tale of a young canadian lad who, after an encounter with a couple of ghost hobos in a freshly burned out mansion, loses his hair due to what is referred to in the movie as “The Fright”. The hobos visit him again and give him a secret formula for a goop made from peanut butter and whatever else kind of gross junk he can find in his garage that will supposedly make his hair grow back. And it does. Uncontrollably. He is then kidnapped by his Italian art teacher, known only as The Senior, who uses the boy’s gnarly lochs to make paint brushes that can paint doorways to anywhere. He is rescued by his soon to be lesbian sister and his Asian/Canadian best friend who dresses like Rocky Balboa. I know. It’s been done to death. The movie is so Canadian you expect Bob and Doug Mckenzie to come out a do a musical number at some point. There’s alot of “abooting” and “eh-ing” throughout the movie that starts to grate on your ears after a bit, and i’m pretty sure the movie was shot over the course of a drunken afternoon whithout any sort of permits to speak of. The Peanut Butter Solution does have one rather large draw to it despite it’s overt sillyness and it’s, well, Canadianess. It’s original and it isn’t afraid to show kids something that’s going to piss their parents off a little. That’s the one thing I miss about kids movies from the 70’s and 80’s, they were just a tad raunchy, enough to make kids laugh and repeat it at school the next day at least.

For all it’s failings The Peanut Butter Solution was at base a good movie, or a least from my big, bloodshot, grown up eyes, a good bad movie. It’s stupid enough to be funny on my very low intellectual level and it’s weird enough for me to want to show to my kid, so in conclusion I recommend this movie if you like strange things that came out of the eighties or maybe if you just talked your friend into eating ’shrooms and want to see him scream alot and try to crawl under his car. Oh! I thought I might mention that at one point in the movie the Asian kid puts the “solution” on his crotch and gets super long pubes that grow out of his pants legs. Just thought I’d throw that in there, you know, in case you where thinking of NOT watching it.

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