Stephen P. Bohn
Nashville, TN 37205
Jericho, NY
June 9, 2008
To Whom It May Concern:
In the past two and a half weeks, I have used your services to travel to and from Ireland. Now, let me say that I don’t make a ton of money and had to save for quite some time to go on vacation to the Emerald Isle. If I made as much money as say, Hugh Grant, I probably wouldn’t be as upset as I am. But more on that later.
On Saturday, May 24th, I tried to catch a connecting flight to Shannon from New York’s JFK airport. Thinking that since I had paid for this flight four months in advance as well as having checked less than a day beforehand to make sure that the flight was still on time, you can imagine my Bruce Banner-like rage when I got to NYC and found out that my flight to Shannon had been canceled. The first thought that ran through my mind was that I was going to end up spending my two week vacation in the Big Apple. This poses a problem for me because I am not particularly fond of New York City. It’s the Yankees, really, that is the source of my hatred. Derek Jeter is just okay and Jason Giambi looks like the damn missing link. There, I said it. Also, I did not want to smell hot garbage for two weeks. Eventually, I was re-routed to Dublin where I was able to catch another flight over to Shannon and everyone who was re-routed was able to get on that flight over to Dublin. I’m thinking that you guys just didn’t send the plane over in the first place because it wasn’t economical. In college, I learned that “if it isn’t making dollars, it isn’t making sense.” It only took me six years to graduate if you can believe it. On with the ranting… The cancellation of the flight delayed my vacation time by eight hours. That’s a lot of Irelanding if you ask me.
Two weeks later, I was set to return to the States. I love it here. We have delicious burritos, freedom of speech and I’m sure some other stuff that I really enjoy. But mostly, it’s the burritos that I enjoy. With cheese. And sour cream. And guacamole. And when I get a hankering for a burrito neither man nor beast is going to get in my way to stop me. Airlines, however, are neither one of those things, as I am about to point out to you. Also, if CENCORED were a living and breathing beast, we would have to do battle and given my skill with medieval armaments, I am sure that I would win. I’ve seen “The Lord of the Rings” about 50 times so I’ve got all the moves down.
Saturday morning, June 7th: my flight to JFK was delayed three hours. This three hour delay caused me to miss my connecting flight and kept me in NYC city much longer than I had anticipated. Had I had one of those “Sex and the City” lifestyles of drinking flirtinis (or whatever those dames call them) and looking like the underside of a foot (see: Sarah Jessica Parker), I would have rather enjoyed myself for a few hours. That is not the case, though. I enjoy beer, hockey, and being awesome.
Long story short because of your delay, I spent an extra 14 hours getting home. Add that to the eight hours that I spent in getting to my destination in Ireland and you’ve got 22 hours total.
Here comes the fun part for me: what could I have done with 22 hours?
– Organized a Habitat for Humanity crew and built a house for some deserving homeless people – it’s entirely possible that a family of four in Des Moines, Iowa, is sleeping underneath an overpass tonight because of you folks.
– Found Keira Knightley. You never know.
– Driven my Chevy to the levy.
– Etc..
But I think that the best thing that I could have done with those 22 hours is work. And since all of this time was spent in New York City, I am going to use their pricing system… stay with me on this.
According to salary.com, the average Human Resources Manager (which happens to be my profession) in New York City earns about $92,000 per year. If you average that out, that’s $44.23/hour. 22 hours @ $44.23/hour would yield $973.06.
That’s a lot of money. And that’s what I expect to be paid to me by you folks for wasting almost a day of my time.
Oh, and I must tell you that you folks could really use my HR expertise… ’cause the customer service representatives that you have hired and are working for you at JFK airport perform service as well as a CENSORED. I’d like to add that there was a flight that my mom (who was traveling with me) could have caught on Delta that night to her home but I’m sure that you’ll be hearing from her, too. Anyway, if you want to hire me, we’ll start near six figures and full benefits and then work something out from there. Just a thought. I’m even going to include my resume to let you know how serious I am.
But back to the issue of money. I’ll take the payment either in cash (preferred), certified money order(s), or in (your American partner) American Airline vouchers. I don’t have any plans to fly to Ireland again anytime soon but I could fly back home to see my folks a couple times on your dime.
I’m anxious to hear a response from you. You can get in contact with me anytime. Or you can just send me a check… whichever is better for you.
If I do decide to go to Ireland again and have not been satisfied with the way you handle this matter, I guarantee you that I will be flying on RyanAir. I’ve held a grudge against the fast food giant Wendy’s for two years for not reimbursing me the $3.17 that they said that they were going to and I haven’t been back since. So don’t think I’m kidding.
Regards,
Stephen P. Bohn
